海, がんばったね

アメリカに帰る何日か前に, 海の幼稚園の参観日がありました.
この日に思った事はしっかり残さなきゃと思い, ここにもかきました.

A few days before we left Japan, we had parents day at his preschool.
I really felt that I need to write down what I felt that day.

いつも帰って来ると私にベタベタで, 疲れてるはずなのにまだあそぼうよの毎日....
私はもう!!暑いんだからとかのっかるなぁ!!! とか, まだ遊びたいの??
少しやすみなよ!!とか何度も冷たい態度をとってしまったりしてて, あの子の頭の中の事を考えてあげてなかったなぁとかなり反省しました.

Whenever he came home from school, he wouldn't let me go. He always wanted to play with me and wanted my FULL attention. I wasn't always nice to him. Now I think of it, I was pretty cold to him. I didn't try hard enough to care his needs every time he asked me to do something with him.

年長さんと一緒の1ヵ月間, 先生からも何度も海が友達に手をあげてしまったと言う電話があり, 幼稚園早かったかなとか.... 私の育て方悪いのか.... とか色々悩んだりもしました. そんな時, おばさんに今海は社会勉強してるんだから, ここでちゃんといいこと悪いこと教えて, 勉強させてあげなよ! と励まされ, 海も
慣れない環境でがんばりました.

He was put into the oldest class there. I often got a call from his teacher saying Kai hit his friends... Kai pinched his friends... She explained me that it looked like he was just so excited to be there that he doesn't know how to express his excitement. But still it was not good to be physical like that. Whenever I got phone calls I regretted putting Kai in the school. I thought him being physical might not be him showing excitement and it could be his frustration not knowing the language and not being able to communicate.
I really thought about pulling him out of school, but my aunt told me that if I did so I would take Kai's social learning opportunities away. That is true. I wanted him to learn. Me and Kai often had talks about respect and care for others. He seemed to understand what we talked about little by little as days went by.



私を見ながらニコニコして, 手をふって, すごくうれしそうにしてる海. とってもかわいかった. ちゃんと先生の指示にもしたがって, まわりのお友達のしてる事を見ながらちゃんと椅子に座って, お絵書きしてて. もっとお歌とか手遊びとかあるのかなぁと思ってたのが, さすが年長組! やることや本の内容とかがけっこう海の年には高度で, この中で頑張ってたんだぁと思うと胸があつくなって, ぎゅうっと抱きしめてあげたくなりました. 全く日本語が出なかった海. きっと彼も戸惑ってた毎日だったんだろうな... 友達になろうっ, 皆と同じくなろうって頑張ってたんだろうな.... 3才の子供には結構過酷な事をさせてしまったかもと反省したのと同時に毎朝笑顔でバスにのって楽しんでやりとげた海がとてもたくましく見えました.

During my visit, he was so excited to see me. He was waving at me and looked so happy to have me. He was so cute. He was listening to his teacher pretty well, and followed his friends to get his project done. He stayed seated the whole time I was there. I imagined that his age level will be doing a lot of singing, dancing, playing, drawing and stuff, but the oldest class is getting ready to be in the 1st grade. Kai had a little bit of taste of being in the kindergarten. It must have been tough for him. Thinking about that almost made me cry. I bet he was trying so hard to understand what was going on, trying to fit in, trying to speak their language.... It wasn't easy for a 3 year old. It sure wasn't easy for me to go to foreign county when I was 15. Kai, I am so proud of you.



すごいなぁ海. 頑張ったんだね. 沢山ほめてあげなきゃね.

パパとママの産まれ育った国が違う. 自分はアメリカ人であって, 日本人でもある...

これからいいことも辛い事もいっぱいあると思うけど2つの文化に誇りを持って育っ
てほしいなと思います.

I bet it is not easy having parents from different counties, cultures... Especially when he is in Japan. He will be always different from others. I hope that the difference will be a positive thing for him and Lily. And I need to teach and raise my kids in a way that they will be proud to be half Japanese and American.

日本への里帰り (日本語)

子供達と私は6週間程日本へ里帰りをしてきました! 家族の皆や
友達達に会えてとっても楽しい時間を過ごしました. ジョシーを一人
おいて行くのはとっても悪いなぁと思いながら, でも離れてまた分かるお
互いの必要さとか, いい時間になったかなと思います. 天気もなかなかよ
くならず, 暑くなったり寒くなったりで, でも帰る頃になって少し夏らし
い日も! でもあんなにムシムシしてたかなぁと蒸し暑さにやられました.
沢山イベント事もあってとっても楽しかったぁ!!!
両親も沢山甘えさせるぞーとの意気込み通り, 子供達とってもかわいがっ
てもらいました!!!ここ2年 写真や電話だけののおじいちゃんおばあちゃ
んだったので実際に会えて沢山愛を受けて子供達にとっても本当によかっ
たと思います!!! そして両親に限らず, 家族のみーんなにとってもかわい
がっていただいて, 特におばぁちゃんにも何回もだっこしてもらって, と
っても貴重な時間を過ごしました.



今回はずっと前から海を幼稚園に行かせようと色々, ママ仲間からお話をきいたり,電話をかけたりとがんばりました. 結局, 色々悩んだ末に, 近所のお世話になっている御家族の息子さんが(海の事を覚えててくれてる)通ってるところにお世話になろうと決め, いってまいりました!!! その息子さんのお蔭で, 朝泣く事もなく, 幼稚園で泣く事もなく, イヤダとだだをこねる事もほとんどなく, 毎朝笑顔でバスに乗り, 通園してくれました!!!! あの日本語ゼロの海君の日本語もすごい上達して, 改めて子供の脳のやわらかさにビックリさせられました.





リリーも家族の皆ととっても楽しい時間を過ごしました. 時々見せる凄い食べっぷりに皆ビックリでした. リリーも海の時と違って全く人見しりもせず, 誰のひざにでもチョコンと乗り, 皆さんにとってもかわいがってもらいました. 前に送った写真の写り具合いが悪いのか, 写真とちがってとってもかわいいねぇとよく言われたり....(私も送った写真を見ながらこれは確かに写り悪かったなぁと思いながら.....) 自分の子だといいも悪いもないもので....(笑) りりーが私の真似をして父の事をパパと呼ぶようになり, 父も私とかぶるといいながら涙ぐむ事も多くありました. 涙もろい親子なのでしょっちゅう泣いてました.








私もたーくさん食べましたよぉ!! 途中までがんばって痩せないとと色々母のエクササイズグッツをやってましたが, 後半諦めが入ってきました. 友人の旦那様は私の帰る時の太り具合いをいつも楽しみにしているそうで.... 目標! がっかりさせる. のはずが...おいしい食べものの誘惑は簡単には避けられません....温泉に, おいしいご飯, はぁ.... あれなしにどうやっていこう...作るしかないなぁ...



そしてそして, 仲のよかった中学時代からの親友達にも会えて, とってもとってもうれしかったぁ! 皆バラバラになって違う人生あゆんで, ずっとあってなくっても昔のように話せる. やっぱり友達って大事ですよね. 35才か40才になったら温泉旅行にでもっなんて話しました. 皆母になって, それぞれお友達がいるなかで, こうして会って仲が絶えないのは本当にすごい事だなと思いました.ありがとう!!!


そしてちょっとシリアスに.....

今回は楽しいだけの里帰りではありませんでした. きっとアメリカに住んでるママ達にはきっとよく分かる話. 特に私は一人っ子でとっても大事に育てていただいて, 今回は両親とまわりの家族の愛がひしひしと伝わる毎日でした. 毎回行く度に知り合いに言われる大事な家族との距離への一言にとっても傷ついて, 悪気
があるわけじゃないんだろうけど, いつも言われるたびに自分を責めていました. 自分の結婚の決断に疑問を持ったり, でも笑ってる子供の顔を見る度にこの子達がここにいるのは間違いじゃないと自分をはげましたり. でもどんなにはげましてもらっても大事な両親や家族を残して行く事に自分を責めない日は1日として
ありませんでした. そんな中でも私の家族は悪い事1つも言わず, 海とリリーという孫, ひ孫が産まれてきた事, 一所懸命育てている事に自信を持ちなさいと励ましてくれたり, 父も親にとって子供が幸せでいる事, そして孫が幸せに育っていることが1番の願いだといってもらいました. そんなやさしい家族をおいていくの
がとってもとっても辛く, 飛行機に乗っても涙がとまりませんでした. ジョシーも今まで以上にこれからの事をかなり真剣に考えてくれていて, 家族の皆に自分達がどれだけ想っているか伝えられる方法を探していこうと真剣に考えて協力してくれています.






日本とアメリカ.... 直行便もでて今まで以上に快適に,快速につくようになってこれからもっと家族にしてあげられる事を考えて, 出来る事はしていこうと深く思った里帰りでした.

また海くんの幼稚園のはなしなど後でかきます!!!

Trip to Japan 日本への里帰り

Kids and I have visited Japan last 6 weeks. It was a lot of fun to see all my family and friends. I felt bad for leaving Josiah here all alone, but it is always nice to have the chance to remind myself (and him) how much we need each other ;0) The weather there at first was as bad as Utah's May. It was super cold one day and hot the next day! But it got better and warmer in late June. I just forgot how humid it was over there. There were a lot of events going on there during this visit. Kai's school had a lot of events, 3 festivals, family trip... We really had a great time there. My parents were dying to spoil my kids and they were totally rotten! Kids had awesome time with their grandparents that they have only seen on the pictures for last two years. I am glad that not only my parents but other family members got to see the kids and spend great time with them. Especially my grandmas.

This time, I have decided to send Kai to yo-chien (pre-school) in Japan. I made some phone calls to arrange his enrollment before we went to Japan. Most of the schools in my town said they would accept him, so I decided to take him to a school that my friend's mom owns. My friends' kids are also going there so I thought Kai will have some friends he knew. He had a great time there and his Japanese really improved!
I will get into more details later!

Lily had a great time with all my family members! She is so not shy that everyone totally adored her! I guess she looked a lot different from the pics that I have sent before, they told me how cuter she looked ;0) (good thing? right?) She called my dad "papa" as I called him. He told me that everything she does reminded him of me that he would get emotional all the time as he played with her.

I got to eat a lot of great food!!!! I gave up on losing weight. My friend's husband was excited to see how much I gained at the end of the trip, so it was my goal to disappoint him. I will totally miss all the great food. and hot springs.... I think kids will really miss the convenience stores there and the vending machines. They were addicted to the vending machines. I got to see my best friends that I really really missed. They all recently had babies and we were all moms this time. It is always so nice to pick up where we left off! Even though our lives have changed so much since last time I saw them, we can talk like last time we saw each other was only yesterday. I will miss them very much.


It really was a great trip!

On the serious note....

This visit was very interesting one. It really made me think about our future. I am the only child and like always there were many that told me how sorry for my parents that I am so far away. Especially my mom being pretty sick, everyone felt like they have to speak up on be half of my family. I couldn't help myself feeling how horrible child I am to leave my family. All the good things I have with my great husband and kids seemed selfish act. Above everything happening, my family is all so supportive of my life and grateful that they get to have Kai and Lily in their lives. My dad told me the best thing I can do is to be happy and raise his grand kids with love. My aunt told me that there is nothing to feel guilty. I have brought two beautiful great grand kids who are the reason for my grandma to live. I love my family and I am so sorry that I couldn't stay longer. and I am so grateful for my husband who had been so supportive and willing to let us go visit.